A quick story about the time I met Jesus

Hello, friends!

Welcome to yet another post on Chris Lackie – The Blog!

I haven’t posted anything in a while, so I thought I would take a moment and tell you a quick little story about the time I met the world’s most well known carpenter. Sorry, I’m not talking about Nick Offerman. Although it would be really cool to meet him. No, I am of course talking about Jesus Christ.

Now, I didn’t meet Mr. Christ in a church, or in a dream, or on a piece of toast. No, I met him where you would most expect to meet the son of God: On a city bus.

It was just before Christmas in 2008. I had just finished work for the day and was heading home. As I recall, I was especially bushed. I don’t know about you, but I always feel more tired than usual when I’m leaving work at 5:00 PM and it’s already been dark for two hours.

I’m embarrassed to say that when I met him (or Him, rather) I initially didn’t realize I was in the presence of one of the Holy Trinity. You would think that it would have been obvious, seeing as I was conversing with someone who has one of the most recognizable faces in the world, but as it turns out He really does work in mysterious ways.

So there I am on the bus, minding my own business, when an older woman with deep creases around her mouth and eyes, and a thick mane of black and silver hair said to me, “Excuse me, sir. Can I give you a Christmas present?”

“Sure,” I smiled. Nothing gets rid of the winter blues like a gift.

“Here you go,” the older woman said as she handed me a card in a white envelope, and three green candles.

“Thank you,” I replied. At the next stop the woman gave me a quick smile and proceeded to get off the bus. The grin I had developed remained on my face for the rest of my trip back home. When I got back to my apartment I opened up the card the nice woman gave to me. The front of the card featured a great big picture of Santa Claus. I opened the card, and it said:

Dear Friend,

Merry Christmas! Let’s get together!

Love, Jesus

Crazy, right? Jesus gave me a Christmas card! I mean, it’s kind of weird that it had a picture of Santa on it (I didn’t think He would be into that sort of thing), but whatever, it’s cool! And, it made me feel a little bit happier than I would have been otherwise.

And thus went my brief encounter with the Almighty. There was no miracle to be had. Only a simple act of kindness.

BAMPF!

…And A Happy New Year!

Hello friends!

Me and the team here at Chris Lackie – The Blog wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone on the internet a happy 2015.  Finally, the evil hog spit that was 2014 is over and we can get on with our lives.

Did everyone enjoy their holidays? I know I sure did.  I got to watch the new Godzilla movie, Starship Troopers and Air Force One. Best. Time. Ever.

Also, I acquired the 1966 Batman Blu Ray box set!  It’s limited edition! I have number 57,830 of 95,000 (in your face 57,831!).  The best part? When you press a button on the box, it sings the Batman theme song!  Na na na na na na na na na awesome!

Oh, and over the holidays  I got to spend time with friends and family and all that stuff… but whatever – Batman box set!

Well that’s it.  I just wanted to check in and make sure you’re all doing okay.  I haven’t heard otherwise, so I’m going to assume that everything with you is fine (but you may want to get that freckle on your cheek checked out.  It looks… strange).

I’d stay and chat a bit more, but there is a Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Blu Ray that is just begging to be watched. Question: Shouldn’t Dawn have come before Rise? Isn’t the Dawn of something needed before it can Rise? Something to think about.

BAMPF!

P.S. Has anyone seen my ear buds? I can’t seem to find them.

CASE-OF-THE-MISSING-EAR-BUDS BAMPF!

Father and Son: A Discussion

Hey folks!  Are you ready for another exciting post that a lot of thought went into and was definitely not written in 15 minutes?  Of course you are!  You read this blog for the insightful discourse and the thought provoking debate that follows.  According to some very reliable sources (that I did not make up in my head), Chris Lackie – The Blog is the most intelligent website on the internet.

On a related note, have you guys ever seen the movie Zack and Miri Make a Porno?  I like the scene where the girl poops in the guy’s face.

Anyway, for this week’s post, I thought I would interview my not quite one-month old son.  Everyone wants to know what children are thinking, so why not ask one of the more handsome ones directly?  What I thought would be a fascinating discussion turned into the most interesting conversation I have ever had.  Without further adieu, here is my interview with my son.

Father:  Well son, you joined this world almost a month ago.  How have you been enjoying life?

Son:  …

Father:  Yes, it’s really hard to put into words, isn’t it?  Life is a most extraordinary thing, with so much adventure and excitement.  How about we focus on your home life?  What do you think of your parents?

Son:  *Blurp*

Father:  That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?  I mean, we’re new at this parenting thing.  You seem to be doing okay.  You appear to be eating enough, and you don’t really need much else.  Is there something you think we could improve on?

Son:  *Gyuk*

Father:  Hrm.  That’s a fair comment.  It’s something that your mother and I discussed before you were born.  I thought we settled on the right answer, but from what you’re saying it sounds like we’ll need to go back to the drawing board and re-evaluate our position.  I appreciate your feedback.

Son:  *Gurgle*

Father:  You just experienced your first Christmas and you were given a lot of presents.  Santa Claus even stopped by to give you an exer-saucer for when you’re a little older.  What do you think about your first big holiday?

Son:  *Eh-eh-eh-eh*

Father:  Yes, I agree that Christmas has gotten way too commercial, but it does give people a nice excuse to spend time with family.  For my birthday, your mother gave me the Batman Beyond box set.  You and I have watched about a dozen episodes already.  What do you think?

Son:  *Gah-ya-ya-ya-ya*

Father:  Haha! Yes!  Batman is the best, isn’t he?  Now I know you’re very busy, so how about I ask you one last question?  Do you need Daddy to change your bum?

Son:  That question is demeaning to us both.

Father:  Huh?  Sorry, what did you say?  I was distracted by a bit of lint on my sweater.

Son:  *Hiccup*

Father:  Aw do you have the hiccups, buddy?  Come here.

After I held my son until his hiccups went away and changed his bum, he promptly fell asleep.  Clearly our interview took a toll on him.  *Yawn*  Geez, I guess it took a lot out of me too.  Alright, I guess it’s nap time for everyone.

SLEEPY-BAMPF!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

Well blog fans, it’s that time of year again – A time where people fight for parking spots in front of big box stores and where spending more than an hour a day shoveling snow is to be expected.  Yup, it’s Christmas.  Hooray.  This is a very special Christmas around the Lackie household for a few reasons, most notably because it’s our first as parents.  In the first few weeks of our son’s life, we are totally crushing this parenting thing.  I mean, our kid hasn’t stuck any of his fingers in an electrical socket yet.  Sounds like a win to me.  Another reason this is a special Christmas is because I will be turning 30 years old.  Not actually on Christmas day, but close enough.  Yup, 30 years.  Can you believe it?  I don’t look a day over 29.

Anyway, to celebrate this most festive of seasons, I thought I would write about some of my favourite things about the holidays.  Of course I love the obvious things, you know, spending time with family, exchanging gifts, the Swiss Chalet Festive Special, blah blah blah.  But what do I love most about Christmas?  The movies.  I even enjoy the terrible ones.  I just sat through Christmas with the Kranks (which stars Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis) and at no point did I consider changing the channel.  This is of course crazy talk because I know in my head that it’s an awful, awful movie, but all Christmas movies have a special place in my heart.  But instead of writing about the technically terrible (but still wonderful) ones, how about we focus on the good ones?

There are of course the obviously great Christmas movies like Christmas Vacation (which I am watching as I write this) and the wonderful Nightmare Before Christmas (which I regret to say I haven’t watched in a long time).  Speaking of Tim Burton, did you know that Batman Returns is also a Christmas movie?  You do, but you just don’t care?  But what about the penguins with rockets on their backs?  They were pretty cool, right?  No?  Yeah, that sounds about right. 

Fun fact:  Did you know that Prometheus is a Christmas movie?  Now you do.  You’re welcome.     

There are also some classic Christmas movies that kick some serious ass.  I am of course referring to everyone’s favourite Christmas action movie – Die Hard.  Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like watching John McClane crawl through glass, jump off the roof of the Nakatomi building, and take down the evil Hans Gruber.  I’m just going to say it – Die Hard is a Christmas miracle.

But what is my favourite Christmas movie?  Is it Gremlins?  Is it Bad Santa (which features John Ritter’s last on-screen appearance in a motion picture)?  No.  My favourite Christmas movie is the wonderfully dark Scrooged. 

If you’ve never seen it, it’s a fantastic movie that stars Bill Murray and is loosely based on Charles Dickens’ classic Christmas Carol.  One of my favourite moments in the film is when the Frank Cross (Murray) is talking to his brother, and on the wall is a definition of the word “cross”.

Hilarious, no?

There is also a super bad ass depiction of the ghost of Christmas future.

Cool stuff.  Everyone reading this should drop what they’re doing and watch Scrooged right now.  Or Die Hard.  Or Christmas Vacation.  Or Shawshank Redemption.  It’s not a Christmas movie, but it’s a great film.  Oh, you know what you should watch?  Apocalypse Now – the regular version, not the extended cut.  Or you could go with a Quentin Tarantino movie… you can never go wrong with Tarantino…

Uh… sorry… what were we talking about?

BAMPF!