Grayson, the Boy Wonder


Welcome to yet another triumphant return of Chris Lackie – The Blog!

You’re probably saying “Chris, where did you go?”

Well, I didn’t go anywhere. I’ve just been busy with other little things that I hope one day I’ll be able to share with you, but… only time will tell.

Anyway, how about I tell you what I’ve been up to in the meantime? Here goes…

Just before 3 AM on February 22, my uber-pregnant wife, Sarah, reached across our bed and gently touched my shoulder, waking me from sleep.

“Hun,” she said. “I think my contractions have started.”

We had been waiting for this moment for what seemed like a long time. I leapt out of bed and pulled my pants on, almost falling in the process. Sarah laughed at me. “I don’t think we’re in that big a rush.”

“How far apart are your contractions?” I asked, continuing to put on my clothes.

“A few minutes, I think,” replied my wife, as if it was no big deal.

I, on the other hand, thought it was a very big deal. “‘A few minutes?” I parroted just before rumbling down the stairs to get my watch. I returned to our bedroom and handed it to Sarah. Every second she looked at it seemed to take an eternity.

“So? How far apart are they?” I asked, hoping they were more than five minutes apart so I could eat some breakfast before heading to the hospital.

“About three minutes,” Sarah replied, again, like it was no big deal.

My thoughts? Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit!

“I guess we should head to the hospital,” I said, trying not to sound as though my nerves were climbing up out of my stomach and out of my mouth.

“Yeah, probably,” said my wife, as if she wasn’t about to have a human being pop out of her.

So off we went.

We arrived at the hospital a little before 4 AM. The place seemed empty, except for the birthing unit where it seemed like every pregnant woman in Ottawa decided that morning was the time to push out a baby. Luckily, we beat the rush and were admitted promptly.

Once admitted, one of the nurses checked Sarah to see how far along she was. When the nurse found that my wife was eight centimetres dilated, the expression on her face was priceless. She couldn’t believe that someone that far along had just walked in and could carry a conversation. Word got around, and everyone was impressed with how well Sarah was handling her labour.

Shortly after the initial exam, we were moved to a birthing room. It was quickly decided that the best course of action would be to break Sarah’s water, the sound of which was… gross. It was like listening to a giant juice box being squeezed without a straw. At this point Sarah started feeling a fair bit of pain, but she handled it like the champion she is.

A few minutes later, our baby’s heart rate began to slow, so it was decided that the delivery should happen as soon as possible.

Listening to nurses and doctors encourage a mother-to-be to push is fascinating. The first time we went through this with our son, Fox, the room was full of women, all of them aggressively telling Sarah push the baby out. This time, there was a male doctor who took a different approach.

Male Doctor: “Okay Sarah, on the next contraction I want you to push as hard as you can.”

Female Doctors/Nurses: “PUUUUUUSH! GET MADDDD!!!!!”

Male Doctor: “Doing great, Sarah, keep doing your best.”


Male Doctor: “Keep breathing, keep pushing.”


It went something like that. I can’t remember exactly.

Once our little guy’s head was out, they found his umbilical cord tied around his neck three times, which they expected to be the reason for the drop in heart rate.

With that bit of drama aside, at 5:36 AM, our son Grayson was born.

I’m not going to lie. When I saw my son for the first time, resting on my wife’s chest (in all his slimy glory), I cried. A lot. I’ve thought about why that is. I was glassy-eyed when my first son was born, but I didn’t actually cry, so why would I completely sob this time around? I was definitely happy to see my son, but I think my excessive tears were due to the fact that I was just so relieved that it was over, and that my wife wasn’t going to have to go through the 36 hour labour (and everything that accompanied it) as she did with our first child.

While our little boy rested on Sarah, someone (a doctor, I believe) asked if I wanted to cut his cord. It is a completely legitimate question. Father’s cut their children’s umbilical cord all the time. My response however, was completely unreasonable.

“I DIDN’T CUT MY FIRST SON’S CORD SO I’M NOT GOING TO CUT THIS ONE!” I screamed for absolutely no reason.

The people in the room must of thought I was crazy, and they were probably right. I have no idea why I reacted the way I did, but I would like to chalk it up to being overwhelmed by the joy of seeing my son for the first time. Or, you know… lack of sleep.

After about a minute of mother/baby cuddle time, our son was taken to a nearby table to clear the gunk out of his lungs and whatnot. This was expected, as they did the same thing to our first son. Unfortunately, they found that Grayson was working too hard to breath, so he was taken away to the intensive care unit.

This, of course, was a little scary. And upsetting. In part because my little guy had a tube shoved down his throat and a breathing mask stuck to his face, but also because the nurses who were there when Grayson was born started asking me if they had done certain things in the delivery room:

“Did he have a delayed cord clamping?”

My response: “I don’t even know what you just said to me, man.”

“Has he had his vitamin K shot yet?”

Another nurse’s response: “Yyyyyyyyyyes?”

Yipes. Just yipes.

After a few minutes of holding the breathing mask on Grayson’s face, they decided to move him to a machine that does the same thing, but doesn’t require anyone to hold anything. This also involved moving him to an incubator. After a few minutes of Grayson’s breathing improving, one of the nurses looked at him quizzically.

“Oh,” she said.

“Oh?” I asked.

“See the tube on your son’s nose?”


“It’s not actually in his nose.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“It means the improvements your son is making has nothing to do with the machine. It’s all him.”

Oy vay. I know these folks work hard and are very busy, but… c’mon.

Even though he was taken off the machine (which he was never really on), he still had to spend some time in the ICU, which meant it was a while before he could be with us in the mother-baby unit.

But it was totally worth the wait.

Look at how adorable this kid is.


Now, I would like to tell you that everything was hunky-dory from this point on… but… unfortunately… I can’t.

Right after he was born, Grayson had an x-ray of his lungs taken, and before the pediatrician would sign off on our son’s release from the hospital he wanted another lung x-ray taken to see if things had improved. Because it was so late in the day that it was done, that meant we had to spend another night in the hospital. That night, one of the nurses performed a routine check on Grayson’s vitals and found he had an irregular heartbeat, so he was sent back to the ICU.

This was very upsetting. We thought were going to be able to bring our little guy home, but now he was going to have to spend more time in the hospital. Away from us.

This is about the time I cried again. All Sarah and I wanted was for our little guy to be healthy and to bring him home, but things kept popping up that kept this from happening. In my sleep-deprived state, it all seemed really unfair.

I went to feed Grayson in the ICU while Sarah slept in her room (she was even more tired than I was). While I was there the doctors were doing their rounds, going over the other patients in the same room as my little guy, and I couldn’t help overhear while they talked about one baby in particular. It went something like this:

“This is <insert baby’s name here>. They were born at 28 weeks and is currently 2 weeks old. Today we increased baby’s morphine and caffeine, and the social worker tried to get a hold of baby’s parents, but was unable to.”

My heart sank. I thought Grayson was having a rough start, but THAT poor child was having a ROUGH start.

The next time Grayson was due to be fed, both Sarah and I went to the ICU to spend some time with the little guy.

And we were greeted with wonderful news.

“Oh, that was fast,” said the nurse.

“Huh?” I replied in my typical elegant fashion.

The nurse smiled. “You didn’t hear? You guys get to go home today.”

A couple hours later, we did just that.


And now we’re all very happy… and exhausted.

Grayson’s two weeks old at this point, and this is what I’ve learned about him:

  1. He is hungry all the time.
  1. If you change his diaper, he will pee on you.
  1. Have you ever watched a movie where someone lets out a comically loud fart? THAT’S the sound Grayson makes when he poops.
  1. He may have my wife’s eyes, but he has my shoulder hair.

And what about big brother? People have asked how Fox gets along with his little brother.

The truth is Fox didn’t pay much mind to Grayson until we brought out the baby toys. This made his little brother much more interesting.

Also, Grayson’s crying is, according to Fox, “very noisy”. The irony is completely lost on him.

Well, that’s it for now. Now that I’m on parental leave I’d like to think I have more time for writing, but based on the first couple weeks, I’m not sure that’s going to happen. Regardless, I hope to write again soon.

In the meantime, I will leave you with this:





Visiting the Green Mountain State

Hey there!

Welcome to another exciting post here at Chris Lackie – The Blog!

This past weekend, me and the family took a trip down the fabled Americas (Vermont, specifically) to visit our friends Rob and Sam. We entered the U.S. on Wednesday (Canada Day, of all days) which took much longer than expected. It poured rain all the way from Ottawa to where we crossed the border in Quebec. We expected the border crossing to be fairly empty given it was the middle of the week, and it was pretty clear sailing most of the way, but when we were about three kilometres from where we were set to cross, traffic was completely stopped. And when it wasn’t stopped, it crawled for a few feet. And then it would stop again. And then crawl again. And then stop again. And Crawl. And stop. And crawl. And of course, our 19-month old son woke up just as all this fun started. And of course, since it was around lunch-time, he was starving, so we did our best to keep him happy by feeding him a steady stream of granola bars and Cheerios. I know you shouldn’t given little kids food in the car (they could choke, after all), but given we never got above 10 kilometres an hour, I figured he’d be fairly safe. When all was said and done, from the time we hit traffic, it was two hours before we finally got into Vermont.

The entire time, Sarah and I were trying to figure out why that border crossing was so busy at that particular time, and it wasn’t until we were past it when we remembered that the Germany-U.S. Women’s World Cup Semi-Final was in Montreal the night before. Given all the U.S. license plates we saw, we eventually figures out that all the Americans were trying to get home at the same time we were trying to get into the country. That was definitely some poor planning on our part. I’m also embarrassed to say it took us almost three hours to figure it out. I thought it was odd that so many of the cars we saw had soccer team logo stickers on their bumpers…

Anyway, once we got through customs (which wasn’t nearly as eventful as the time my wife and I crossed into Detroit on our way to Florida) it was time to get some real food into us. While road Cheerios are great and all, they don’t exactly constitute a complete meal. We got off the highway at the first opportunity and headed towards the first food place we saw, which, luckily for us, was the healthiest place we could take our child: McDonald’s. This led to our son enjoying his very first Happy Meal. When ordering I was asked if I wanted the boy toy or the girl toy (because toys have genders, you know), so of course I picked the boy toy (because I assumed it would be cooler). It ended up being a blue water gun that my son will probably never use, while the girl toy on the other hand, I’m pretty sure, was the exact same water gun, only pink. That’s some sort of progress… I think. Anyway, needless to say, my kid very much enjoyed his chicken McNuggets and his apple slices. And because I’m a good parent, I took it upon myself to enjoy his kid-sized fries (they came in an adorably tiny fry box!).

After our very late lunch (it was almost 4 PM when we finished) we headed to our hotel. We stayed at a place called Green Mountain Suites in South Burlington. It turned out to be a really nice place. I highly suggest staying there if you plan on going to the area. What I loved most about that place is that in addition to a pretty impressive hot breakfast buffet (which most hotels offer some version of) they also offer a free dinner on weekdays. We were unable to partake on the first night (since we already had plans for that evening), but on the second night we had steak tips. I didn’t know what steak tips were until I had them, but I must say they were delicious!

Anywho, that first night we got ourselves settled and had dinner with our friends Sam and Rob, as well as Rob’s parents, at a pretty good Chinese restaurant. Unfortunately, the little guy (my son, not Rob) was up way past his bedtime, and he wasn’t his usual well behaved self. He still wasn’t bad by any stretch, but it was obvious that he was tired. The kid passed out in the car on the way back to the hotel, and both the wife and I assumed he would sleep in the next morning. Well, that sure did not happen. Our kid woke up bright and early at 4 AM. That’s not nearly enough sleep for a 19-month old. Luckily for me, the hotel had free coffee.

For our first full day in Vermont, we headed to Waterbury to meet Rob and his parents at the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream factory. Sarah and I had been there before as part of our honeymoon (in fact, we decided to go to Vermont just so we could go to the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream factory), but we were more than willing to go there again to get our hands on some delicious, delicious ice cream. From there, it was time for lunch in town and then a quick trip over to Stowe, Vermont to take a walk along a fancy pathway. You can tell that this pathway is fancy because you can buy expensive artwork along the way ($3,200 for a twisted hammock? Yes, please!).  The beautiful views weren’t limited to the art.  Here’s a picture Sarah took while we were on our walk.


At one point during our walk, we went by a little stream and decided to let our son waddle around the shore. On the way back to the car, we had his sandals hanging on the handles of his stroller to dry off. Just as we were getting to the car, we heard someone running up behind us, shouting, “Excuse me, excuse me!” I turned around and saw a young woman we had passed 15 or 20 minutes prior, carrying one of our kid’s sandals. “You’re the only ones around here with a stroller,” she said as she handed me the sandal. “So I figured this must belong to you.” I have no idea where the sandal fell or how far that person had to go to give it back to us, but it was certainly very nice of them to go out of their way to help us out. Yay America!

That night, my son went to bed around 8 PM and woke up at 5:30 AM (which is a reasonable night’s sleep for him). Unfortunately, the missus wasn’t feeling well that day, so it was up to my son and I to entertain ourselves. What did we do, you ask? Well, what else do Canadians do when they go to America? We went shopping! We started our shopping spree by going to Barnes & Noble where I picked up my 100th Funko Pop Vinyl Figure! What an accomplishment, right?!?! Now, in reality I bought figures 96 through 102 at the same time, but I am going to arbitrarily decide that this figure is lucky number 100!


Who (or what) is that, you ask? That’s the Wendigo from the TV show Hannibal. He is basically a very creepy, very scary figment of the imagination of one of the characters (Will Graham, if you’re familiar with the show) and he looks totally awesome. This figure sells at conventions for about $20, but I got him for about $10 ($12.50, if you factor in the exchange rate). I also picked up a little toy for my son (you know, because I’m a good dad). I bought him a little police car that lights up and sings a jaunty little tune about racing towards a crime scene. What fun! And how many books did we buy at this book store? Not a single one. I am very proud of us.

We then made our way to University Mall to shop at the Hot Topic (because I am a grown up and I can shop wherever I want). But before we got there, the first thing we saw when we entered the mall was a kid, who couldn’t be more than five or six years old, walking out of a collectibles store with a wooden sword and nunchucks. America really is the land of the free and the home of the brave. My kid and I eventually made our way to Hot Topic (after spending a lot of time trying to get my son to leave Sears… I have no idea why he was so obsessed with that store), where I picked up this little gem.

earth 2

This is Batman from Earth 2, who is Thomas Wayne; Bruce Wayne’s father (spoilers!). He’s a Hot Topic exclusive figure, so I was happy to find him. Acquiring this figure also fits into my philosophy that you can never have enough Batmen in your life.

Crisis of Infinite Batmen

Crisis of Infinite Batmen

We then went to IHOP for lunch (the irony being that neither of us had pancakes) before heading back to the hotel so that my little guy could have a nap. I felt really bad for one of the waitresses at the restaurant. She was clearly very new and was consistency forgetting peoples’ orders and mixing stuff up. People were generally nice to her, but they started getting agitated after a while. I’m going to choose that those people were from out of state. I refuse to believe anyone from Vermont could lose their patience. Vermonters are just too damned nice.

The next day was our final day in the Green Mountain State, so I was happy that Sarah was feeling better. I was less happy that our son decided to wake up at 3 AM. Yup. You read that right. Our kid woke up at 3 o’clock in the morning. Again, I was very happy that our hotel had free coffee. Two cups later, we went off to the Burlington farmer’s market, but not before stopping off at a Walgreen’s so I could pick up this (please excuse the blurriness):


Yes, it has gotten to the point where I am now travelling to foreign pharmacies to pick up Funko figures. I think I have a problem. Do you think there’s a prescription for it? Is it available at Walgreens? Jokes aside, can you really blame me for getting this? Look at how adorable this Punisher figure is. Who knew that such a hard ass could be so cute?

Anyway, the farmer’s market was cool; the highlight being that a bachelorette party showed up with someone, who I can only assume was the bride-to-be, carrying a five-foot long inflatable penis. I wonder whose idea it was to bring the party to a farmer’s market. I also wonder if the party was just starting or just ending. It’s hard to say given the oddness of it all (hehe… I said “hard”). Regardless, after that bit of strangeness, we picked up some sausages (not inflated or five feet long, unfortunately) and went to Sam’s for a barbecue.

After eating some delicious tube-shaped meat (and watching my son eat a ridiculous amount of it) we said our goodbyes and made our way back home. The trip home was much faster than the trip down. What took us upwards of seven hours on the way to Burlington, Vermont only took us three-and-a-half hours on the way back to Ottawa.

Other than my son not sleeping much and my wife getting very sick, it was a pretty good trip. Vermont is a really great place. The state is beautiful and the people are incredibly nice. I wish we could go more often, but unfortunately the Canadian dollar is too awful right now to make it affordable. Damned economy and all that jazz. Oh well. Maybe one day I’ll win the lottery and buy a cottage there. Or maybe I’ll just go when I can. Yeah, that sounds like a more likely scenario. But a guy can dream, can’t he?


On Death

I think about death a lot. And not the good kind like “Metal” or “of the Endless”, either. No, I think a lot about my own demise. Not necessarily about how it’s going to happen (because I already know it’ll be in my sleep, while I’m on top of a pile of money I didn’t have to work for… or spontaneous human combustion), but more what is going to happen at that moment. And it isn’t that I worry about not knowing what will happen or what it’s going to feel like… it’s more that I have a pretty good idea of what will happen when I die, and it kind of scares the shit out of me.

This is what I think happens when people die: You know that very brief moment between when you fall asleep at night and when you wake up the next morning? That split second that sleep seems to take when you have no dreams? That’s death. Only you never wake up, so that split second lasts forever.

And that thought absolutely fucking terrifies me.

I think it’s the fact that the nothingness will never end that scares me. If I knew that something came afterwards… after the moment where life ends and death begins… maybe I wouldn’t pee a little bit every time the notion of eternal sleep pops into my head. And as much as I’d like to believe that there is a heaven or some other place where you go where you can be reunited with all of the loved ones that already passed away (including pets, like my first and second hamsters, both of whom were named Muffin), I just can’t bring myself to think it’s going to happen. It’s such a nice thought, but I am far too cynical to believe that the universe functions in such a way, so as to bring about a perfect outcome when all is said and done. Life is far too messy for everything to work out in the end. Why should death be any different?

Do you know what would be great? Reincarnation. It would take an absolutely terrifying thing like death and turn it into a more nerve-racking experience… like the first day at a new school. But instead of wondering what your classmates will be like or whether your teachers will be any good or whether the pretty girl sitting in the front row will ever acknowledge your existence, you’d wonder about what you are going to come back as. Another human being born in a different part of the world? Or maybe a blood-sucking leech? Either way, it would be interesting to see the world from the prospective of a different creature. And you wouldn’t… you know… completely cease to exist.

Or what about being a ghost? Maybe after I die I can come back as a spectre. I wouldn’t haunt anyone or be cause for alarm. I just want to hang out on Earth and look at stuff. The world is full of things to see, and new things are being made all the time, so it’s not like there’s a risk that I’d get bored and start messing with the living (by, like, hiding their shoes and whatnot). It’d be cool to be able to communicate with other ghosts, but hey, if I just have to bomb around the planet, being invisible and not able to talk to anyone else, that’s okay. I can live with that. Or rather, I can be dead with that. Transitioning from being alive to being ghost doesn’t seem scary to me.

I know that some people will think, look, dummy… you don’t need to worry about death because once it happens you’re not going to care. It’s hard to care about something when you’re brain no longer functions. My response is twofold: First, shut up. And second, while it may be true that I won’t care about death once it happens, I know now that it’s going to happen, and I can’t just not know something I already know… you know? Other people may say that I should just not think about death. It can’t scare me if I put it out of my mind. Well, to that I say, please refer to my first response to the last suggestion.

Here’s another idea. How about instead of dying, we all just live forever? Poppycock, you say? It’s impossible, you say? Well, you know what? If God can create us, then He sure as hell can give us eternal life. Or, if He can’t (because He’s too busy with other important matters, like creating new super viruses that will one day wipe us all out) I’m sure science will find a way to let us live forever. I’ve heard people say that they wouldn’t want to be immortal, because eventually you would be tired of living. I call bullshit. Think of all the shit you could get done if you lived forever. Of course, you would accomplish dick-all if your body turned to mush, but I figure if science can make you live forever, then it can find a way to stop your body from completely falling apart. The moral of this is if you or someone you know is a wizard or deity or some other type of omnipotent being that can grant me everlasting life, please send them my way. Living forever sounds amazing to me.

So, to sum up: Death is nothingness. When it happens, you don’t exist anymore, even though your physical body is still there. This is a concept that scares the shit out of me, and I can’t figure out a way to stop thinking about it. I understand that death ultimately comes for us all, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I just wish it didn’t have to last forever.

Sorry this was such a bummer of a post. I wish I had something else to say so that I can end on a high note. Wait… I think I have…

Nope. I’ve got nothing.


A quick story about the time I met Jesus

Hello, friends!

Welcome to yet another post on Chris Lackie – The Blog!

I haven’t posted anything in a while, so I thought I would take a moment and tell you a quick little story about the time I met the world’s most well known carpenter. Sorry, I’m not talking about Nick Offerman. Although it would be really cool to meet him. No, I am of course talking about Jesus Christ.

Now, I didn’t meet Mr. Christ in a church, or in a dream, or on a piece of toast. No, I met him where you would most expect to meet the son of God: On a city bus.

It was just before Christmas in 2008. I had just finished work for the day and was heading home. As I recall, I was especially bushed. I don’t know about you, but I always feel more tired than usual when I’m leaving work at 5:00 PM and it’s already been dark for two hours.

I’m embarrassed to say that when I met him (or Him, rather) I initially didn’t realize I was in the presence of one of the Holy Trinity. You would think that it would have been obvious, seeing as I was conversing with someone who has one of the most recognizable faces in the world, but as it turns out He really does work in mysterious ways.

So there I am on the bus, minding my own business, when an older woman with deep creases around her mouth and eyes, and a thick mane of black and silver hair said to me, “Excuse me, sir. Can I give you a Christmas present?”

“Sure,” I smiled. Nothing gets rid of the winter blues like a gift.

“Here you go,” the older woman said as she handed me a card in a white envelope, and three green candles.

“Thank you,” I replied. At the next stop the woman gave me a quick smile and proceeded to get off the bus. The grin I had developed remained on my face for the rest of my trip back home. When I got back to my apartment I opened up the card the nice woman gave to me. The front of the card featured a great big picture of Santa Claus. I opened the card, and it said:

Dear Friend,

Merry Christmas! Let’s get together!

Love, Jesus

Crazy, right? Jesus gave me a Christmas card! I mean, it’s kind of weird that it had a picture of Santa on it (I didn’t think He would be into that sort of thing), but whatever, it’s cool! And, it made me feel a little bit happier than I would have been otherwise.

And thus went my brief encounter with the Almighty. There was no miracle to be had. Only a simple act of kindness.


…And A Happy New Year!

Hello friends!

Me and the team here at Chris Lackie – The Blog wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone on the internet a happy 2015.  Finally, the evil hog spit that was 2014 is over and we can get on with our lives.

Did everyone enjoy their holidays? I know I sure did.  I got to watch the new Godzilla movie, Starship Troopers and Air Force One. Best. Time. Ever.

Also, I acquired the 1966 Batman Blu Ray box set!  It’s limited edition! I have number 57,830 of 95,000 (in your face 57,831!).  The best part? When you press a button on the box, it sings the Batman theme song!  Na na na na na na na na na awesome!

Oh, and over the holidays  I got to spend time with friends and family and all that stuff… but whatever – Batman box set!

Well that’s it.  I just wanted to check in and make sure you’re all doing okay.  I haven’t heard otherwise, so I’m going to assume that everything with you is fine (but you may want to get that freckle on your cheek checked out.  It looks… strange).

I’d stay and chat a bit more, but there is a Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Blu Ray that is just begging to be watched. Question: Shouldn’t Dawn have come before Rise? Isn’t the Dawn of something needed before it can Rise? Something to think about.


P.S. Has anyone seen my ear buds? I can’t seem to find them.


Now with a new fresh scent! (or Keeping up with the Lackies)

Hello there!  Welcome back to another exciting post on Chris Lackie – The Blog!

I’ve been away from this little corner of the internet for a while now, busy with the responsibilities of a parent with a young child, and a regular job that has required me to put in a lot of extra hours over the last while. But do not think I have forgotten about you!  I’ve actually been working on something that has turned out to be a fair bit larger than I had originally thought it would be, but that only means that when it’s ready (which will hopefully be soon-ish) it will be the greatest (or at least largest and newest) thing I have ever done! So keep your eyes open for that!

Speaking of things I am working on, I am also planning on doing another Funko Fight Club in the relatively near future (after the other thing I am working on is done) which will be functionally similar to the other versions, but with a twist (which isn’t much of a twist… it’ll just be… very slightly different)! To whet your appetite for that, I thought I would share a couple pictures of some of the Funko figures I have recently acquired.  First, let’s head to Sunnydale to see what’s going on near the Hellmouth!

From left to right: Oz, Willow, Buffy, Angel, Spike and The Gentleman (also featured - Silent Bob, because I am a terrible photographer)

From left to right: Oz, Willow,Buffy, Angel, Spike and The Gentleman (also featured – Silent Bob, because I am a terrible photographer)

It pleases me to no end that Buffy is holding a little tiny spike (not a euphemism), and that Spike has a scar on his eyebrow (just like the show!).  I think the people at Funko did a great job with these figures, but how does the first release (I assume there will be more) not include Xander? It’s like doing a line of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figures and not including Donatello.  Xander is part of the Scoobies and he should have been included in the initial release.  I assume the lack of Xander figure will be rectified in the near future.

Now let’s move away from the Hellmouth and head to the literal hell on Earth that is Arkham Asylum!

There's nothing Batman likes better than being surrounded by his friends.

There’s nothing Batman likes better than being surrounded by his friends.

Of all the different versions I have, these may be my favourite renderings of Joker, Harley Quinn and Batman. Joker’s outfit and face are incredibly detailed (it’s hard to see, but Joker’s got a bunch of wrinkles on his forehead, and if you’ve played the Arkham Asylum games you would know why), Harley’s costume looks plain awesome.  They’ve even found a way to make Batman look like he’s wearing armour, which is consistent with the games. Unfortunately, I have been unable to locate the Poison Ivy and Killer Croc figures that are part of this line, but hopefully I’ll get my hands on them relatively soon.

Okay, lets change direction now and take a look at what is happening in my life.  First, Sarah has decided that the main floor of our house needs a new coat of paint.  Here is what our front hallway and foyer look like now.

It's blue now!

It’s blue now!

Beautiful, no?  My wife has excellent taste (which I guess means I also have excellent taste because I chose to marry her).

And did you guys know that Sarah and I have our own podcast called Our Kid is Asleep? You can download any or all of our episodes from iTunes (just search for Our Kid is Asleep!), or you can listen to the latest episode here:

Our Kid is Asleep! 6 – Keanu Reeves is the Greatest Actor of Our Generation

In this episode, we talk about the amazing acting of Keanu Reeves, John Travolta and Nicolas Cage, as well as a bunch of other cool stuff, like telemarketing and furnace repair!

Moving on, earlier I mentioned my parental responsibilities.  Well, I feel I would be failing in those responsibilities if I did not share that our little baby boy is now one year old! This kid is practically a giant.  Take a look at how big he is now.


He’s the one on the left.

Super adorable, right? I guess that means that I am also super adorable since, you know, I helped make him.

So that’s it for now. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Hopefully you’ll be hearing from me again soon, but this time with something so huge it will blow your socks off!*

*Sock blowing not guaranteed.


Dear Baby: You Need To Sleep Now

Hello friends,

As you know, I am the father of a beautiful baby boy. Being a parent is wonderful, incredible, fun, exciting, fulfilling and rewarding experience.

Except for those times when it isn’t.

Believe me, the tough times are relatively few and far between, but when things go south they go very, very south.

Recently my son decided that sleep was for the weak, and that he wasn’t going to go for something so typical and average. So instead he decided to stay awake, and keep his dear old dad up for company.

He was up for hours.

I wondered to myself, why won’t my baby go to sleep? He’s tired… it’s dark… what’s the problem? Of course, my son couldn’t answer me except to say: “uhhhhhhhhh!”

Why would an exhausted human being (even a little one) do everything in his power to stay awake? He was kicking his legs, stretching his head back, twisting his body around in a hundred different ways. Why? What does he think he’s going to miss?

So once I decided to give up trying to put him back down to sleep (guess 5 AM is as good a time as any to start the day), I went online to figure out why exactly my exhausted kid wouldn’t go back to bed (because if the internet can’t solve a problem, no one can).

I Googled the phrase “I’m exhausted my kid won’t sleep why is this happening to me SRSLY WTF!?!?!?” As expected, this turned out to be a very common Google search term with many results. I clicked on one of the first links which led to a website called Mummyology, with an article called “10 Reasons Why Babies Don’t Sleep”. Perfect! If I can figure out the root cause of the problem, then finding the solution to that problem should be easy-peasy, right?

So here is the list from Mummyology, including my thoughts on whether this particular reason can explain why my special little guy can’t manage to fall asleep, as well as if I can use this information to help my kid fall asleep in the future.

1. He’s hungry – Nope. I offered him formula and he responded by spitting out the bottle and slapping my hands away. Doesn’t sound like the actions of a hungry baby.

2. He’s thirsty – Nope. See above.

3. He’s over-tired (over-stimulated) – Well, he was definitely over-tired. That happens when you’re already exhausted and you refuse to sleep. And over-stimulated? Well, if the small green light on the baby monitor counts as stimulation, I guess that could be a problem as well. It’s amazing when I think about it. Every time I try to get him to sleep, he always manages to find a small source of light to focus on. It could be the light from his baby monitor, the light that creeps into his room from downstairs, or even the light from the neighbour’s house across the street coming through his window. Either way, light somehow manages to help him stay awake. I may have to institute a neighbourhood-wide no light policy in the near future.

4. He needs movement – It never occurred to me, but I guess this explains why babies are more likely to fall asleep when they are being walked around or rocked. However, it is impossible to either walk my kid around or rock him if I am to sleep. So unfortunately, keeping baby mobile in the middle of the night is not an option.

5. He needs to suck – If this refers to my life force, mission accomplished. Just kidding, I know what this means (but seriously, my kid can completely drain the energy from me). Luckily, my son is willing to use a soother, but sometimes it doesn’t have the desired effect of helping him sleep. Instead, using a pacifier can lead to my son waking up if it falls out of his mouth. Either way, sucking wasn’t helping my kid (or me) the other night.

6. He’s learning a new skill – Is keeping me awake a skill?

7. He needs a change in routine – I get that. When your life consists of eating, playing, pooping and (occasionally) sleeping, things can get stale after a while. Well, I can assure you that nothing changes a routine like staying awake all night.

8. He wants to be close to me – Well that’s just adorable. At least it would be if his desire to be close to me didn’t extend into the wee hours of the morning. It can be pretty frustrating. When I hold him, he sleeps like… well… a baby. He can sleep like a rock in my arms, but the moment I put him down he wakes up. If he’s asleep, how does he know I’m not holding him anymore? He’s got some form of superbaby alertness superpower.

9. He’s teething – I think we have a winner here. My little boy already has two teeth popping out of his lower gum and has a couple others starting to show at the top. His cheeks are all red and he’s super drooly. If only there was a magical pill to make teething pain go away. Baby medicine can only do so much.

10. He’s in pain – Yup, having little pieces of bone poking through your gums will cause some pain. Raising a baby would be so much easier if they could tell you what’s bothering them. In this case, I know my kid is teething, so I know that’s where his pain is coming from. If he wasn’t teething however, I would have no idea what the problem is. I guess you just have to do your best in making your baby comfortable. Unfortunately, sometimes that means being awake at all hours of the night. Remember that episode of the Simpson’s where Homer’s brother (did you remember he had a brother?) invents that machine that can translate baby talk into English? Someone needs to get on making that a reality. Now.

Well, I don’t know how helpful this list is, but at least I know there are only 10 reasons why a baby may not be able to sleep (yup).

Having a baby that can’t sleep can be frustrating to say the least, but I guess it’s the price you pay to be a parent. And being a parent is the best job in the world…

…Except for maybe an ice cream taste tester for Ben and Jerry’s. I hear those guys get full health benefits.

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah…