Not everyone uses Google to look for porn (and even when they do they sometimes find me instead)

Very recently my blog reached the 1,000 all-time views plateau.  I’d like to thank all of you for taking the time to read my ramblings.  I know that many of my readers are friends and family, but every once in a while someone I don’t know tries to search for something and finds my blog instead.  I know this because WordPress, the website that hosts the excellence that is Chris Lackie – The Blog, has a neat little function that tracks the search engine terms that people use when they find something you post.  For instance, I talk about Batman a lot (maybe too much if you ask some people, but you shouldn’t because those people are dummies), so it makes sense that when someone Google-searches Batman that my blog comes up in the list of millions of web pages available.  That said, it’s amazing to me that given everything there is on Batman on the internet, some people still manage to find my blog.

What is even more amazing is that some people find my blog after searching for the most ridiculous things (and no, searching for Batman is not ridiculous).  Some of the search terms used kind of make sense, but others completely baffle me.  I thought to celebrate reaching 1,000 all-time views I would share with you, my loyal fans (and other random people who should consider being loyal to me), my favourite search terms that have led people to my blog.

So, here we go.

First, there are those people who have grammar issues:

who be are “you wanna be” “everything you know”

do not like hates criticism greg capullo

does brandon routh doing masturbation?

Whoever did that last search brings up an interesting question.  I mean, does brandon routh doing masturbation?  Inquiring minds want to know.

Then there are people who stumble on to my blog while looking for other blogs:

shannon elizabeth blog

giant penis blog

I don’t want to brag or anything, but if there was a blog that had a giant penis, it would be mine.

There are also people looking to do “legitimate” research:

man who trained whole life to be a ninja

crazy feminist redhead

war hero lackie

super penis syndrome

Clearly the person looking for “war hero lackie” was looking for me. 

Also, I know what it’s like to suffer from “super penis syndrome”.  Because it’s a real thing.

But of course, we all know that the internet was made so guys can look up pictures of hot girls in sexy clothes.  I apologize to the people who entered these phrases into their search engine and found my blog instead of what they were looking for: 

skin tight clothes

power girl boobs

girl wearing a costume that makes her boobs pop out

I’m sorry for getting in your way, gentlemen.

Then there is my absolute favourite search term that someone used when they found my blog:

alan+rickman+gay

Is Alan Rickman gay?  Apparently my blog has the answer!

No matter how it happens, I’m thrilled that people find their way to Chris Lackie – The Blog.  Thank you guys so much for your support.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.  I mean, I’d probably just keep living my life.  I’d probably exercise more.  Read more literature.  Spend more time with my wife. 

Meh. 

I’d rather keep writing.  Hooray for distractions!

BAMPF! 

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