Happy Canada Day, everyone! It’s the day that everyone from outside the national capital region makes their way to Ottawa to celebrate the birth of our country, and it’s the day that everyone who lives in Ottawa does whatever they can to get out before the tourists show up. On this our nation’s 146th birthday, I thought I would share what I think are the best parts of Canada. I know that most people would say that the best parts of Canada are universal healthcare, Tim Hortons, beer, and of course, hockey. I love those things too (mostly), but they aren’t the things that I think make our home and native land the greatest place on Earth.
Here are my favourite things about Canada, in no particular order:
1. We have easy access to clean drinking water.
2. We have the right to waste clean drinking water by shooting it at animals that mildly annoy us.
3. We have ketchup potato chips
Now, I know that you can get ketchup chips in other countries, but according to Wikipedia, they were introduced in Canada first. Can-a-da! Can-a-da!
4. The metric system
There are 1,000 metres in a kilometre. That makes sense to me. How many yards are there in a mile? 1,760? That’s just silly.
5. Alan Thicke
6. President’s Choice products
They’re way better than Master’s Choice, and they’re way cheaper than name brand products. Question: What president are they referring to? Answer: Doesn’t matter. Pass the chocolate chip cookies, please.
7. You can’t find panda bears in the wild.
It would be pretty awesome to hunt these things in our beautiful forests, but part of me feels really good knowing they only exist in cages here.
8. We are in close proximity to the United States.
We’re close enough to America that we can benefit from their military might and their consumerism, but we’re different enough that when they do something crazy, like (insert one of a hundred things here), we can say “Don’t look at us, we think they’re nuts too.”
9. We have our own professional football league.
The Canadian Football League is something that we have always been able to proudly call all our own (except for those few years where there were a bunch of teams based in the United States). It’s a league that utilizes bigger balls and a larger field than its American counterpart, and, like many Canadian endeavours that are comparable to American equivalents, it’s way more boring.
Speaking of the CFL, did you hear that Ottawa is getting a brand new team (again)? Did you hear that the team is going to be called the RedBlacks? Yup. That’s a real thing.
10. Our Prime Minister is a robot
Putting politics aside, we can all agree that it’s pretty awesome that we are progressive enough to elect a machine to lead us.
That hair looks so good, you would almost believe he’s a real live boy.
And that, my friends, is why Canada is the best country on the planet.
Canada Day BAMPF!