I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for reading my blog. I really appreciate all the nice things you’re saying about it. For example:
chevychasefan69 says: u r sew ghey!
deepdish316 says: i h8 ur face. it makes me wnt 2 punch it.
Thanks guys! You really know how to make a guy feel special!
Speaking of special, a lot of people come up to me on the street and say “Chris, you seem really awesome. Your life must be amazing.” I always respond the same way: “Hey creepy guy, my life is just like yours. Only I don’t have a sack of toe nail clippings tied around my neck.”
To illustrate this, I have decided to share what an average day in my life is like. Here are the things I did this past Saturday.
Saturday, March 2, 2013.
Early morning: BAMPF! I wake up and get ready for the day by doing my normal morning workout. I head to the home gym and warm up by doing my usual 1000 push ups and sit ups. Then I hit the bench press and knock out about 200 reps of 300 pounds. Now that I’ve started to sweat a little, it’s time to take a shower and have breakfast.
Breakfast: Mmm… waffles!
Mid morning: I go out for my usual stroll about town. While out, I rescue a bunch of children from a fire at the orphanage. No big deal. They thank me with a picture:
Late morning: Time to hit the court for a little one-on-one with my good buddy, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. As usual, it’s a total blow out, but I take it easy on him at the end so he won’t feel too bad. Sorry Kareem, lunch is on you today!
Lunch: Mmm… waffles!
Mid afternoon: On my way back home, I come across another fire! This time it’s at a pet store, so I head in and pull out all the kittens and puppies (sorry fish :(). They also thank me with a picture:
Early evening: I check my email and it’s all the usual – lots of super models wanting me to be the father of their children. A few of them even suggest that instead of making a baby in a test tube, we try doing it “the old fashioned way”. Sorry ladies, I’m married!
Dinner: Mmm… waffles!
Late evening: I head to the weekly meeting of the Secret Illuminati (yes, they are even more secret than the regular Illuminati). We develop a plan that will solve world hunger and end all wars, but everyone gets really drunk and forgets what it is. Damn you Clooney and your bathtub Gin! Oh well, I’m sure we’ll figure it out again.
Bedtime: Just before bed, I have a late-night snack (mmm… waffles!) and then take a look at the latest draft of J.J.’s top secret script. Not much has changed from the last version. I keep telling him it doesn’t make any sense. Chewie can’t be the bad guy. But sure, he can totally be a vampire.
See? I’m just like you. I’m just a normal guy who leads a normal life.
I do have a pretty awesome pair of Sean John eyeglasses though.